The Beginning

Today is the third time I'll remember her birthday without being able to call her, email her, send her a funny card, or make dinner for her. The last birthday she celebrated here on earth, I had the privilege of making dinner for our families and sharing an evening of quiet, reflective conversation together. Just three days earlier, she had gotten the diagnosis that the cancer was back and had metastasized to her liver. We both knew, without saying it aloud, that the medical odds were not in her favor. But we also knew our faith would buoy us through the journey to come. I will forever treasure the gift of sharing that last birthday evening with her. By my birthday, two months later, she would be gone.

Today, I want to remember her vibrant spirit and the joy she brought to my life. And to do that, I went back to where it all began.

Pam in the Netherlands on our study-abroad European Adventure, 1989

We met the first day of Fall Welcome Weekend our freshman year of college. I can't recall the moment we met, but Pam remembered it being during some crazy, probably ridiculous, game involving shoes. During that weekend, there was a formal banquet and I was sitting at a table with one of my roommates. The details are fuzzy, but I remember inviting Pam to join us. Perhaps I wanted to share my fascination that a guy at our table spelled his name Wray.

After that weekend, Pam and I naturally went our separate ways. We lived in different dorms and had different friends. We had some overlapping classes since we were both business majors, but we didn't really interact until our junior year. We remembered sharing an economics class during our sophomore year. I knew she was in it, but her attendance was, well, less than regular. One day she showed up on what she thought was the day before an exam, hoping to participate in a review, but the professor had moved the exam to that day. She remembers me wearing my then-boyfriend's black leather jacket to class and walking in like I was Joan Jett. Cringe.

Fast forward to junior year. We're living in the same dorm on the same hallway, but far enough apart to rarely interact. We were little more than friendly faces to one another. One evening, I was headed out for an informational meeting about a summer study-abroad trip through Europe. As I reached the end of the hallway, I ran into Pam and asked where she was going. She was going to the same meeting and so we went together.

And that's where a friendship spanning more than two decades began. We became fast friends and had great fun the rest of our junior year. She was a rock as my friendship with my roommate disintegrated quickly for reasons then unknown to me. We'd watch Days of Our Lives between classes and I can still see her doing a volleyball roll down the hallway to my room. We argued emphatically with our New Testament professor over Bible passages regarding the role of women. We were in the same business law class and I invited her to sit with me and three guy friends and share whatever I'd gotten from the snack shop before class. One of those friends starting calling us "The Entity," because where one of us was, the other was likely not far behind.

The summer between our junior and senior years, we spent 10 weeks studying international business in 10 countries, including Russia. We weren't quite as much of The Entity on that trip, interacting with other Messiah students and making new friends from other schools, but that trip definitely cemented our friendship. That's likely to happen when you are 21 and sharing a room on an overnight train into Russia where the train stops for soldiers to board and demand (in Russian) to see your passports.

In London, at the conclusion of our European Adventure, 1989

We roomed together our senior semester. We were the "old ladies" of our dorm, as most juniors and seniors were living in apartments. We may or may not have given our younger RA a bit of run for her money. During those college days, we navigated classes, bad breakups (which ultimately were fabulous turns of events) and job searches. She was there when I caught my hair on fire. We shared deeply, laughed loudly, and were virtually inseparable.

Back then, like most college students, we had no idea where life would take us. We didn't realize that we were building a foundation that would serve us well through the seasons of life ... and death. I didn't recognize then - she might have - all of the blessings wrapped up in those early years of friendship. As time marched on, we really did grow up together.

So today, I celebrate her life and the friendship we were privileged to share. I count it as one of the best gifts of my life.