There Will Always Be Another "Again"

Nearly two years ago, I wrote my second blog post. It was titled Again. I wrote it in a hospital waiting room; I can go back there immediately in my mind's eye, typing on my laptop as I wait for Joanne to finish her treatment. Two weeks after I wrote that post, Joanne lost her battle with cancer.

When Joanne was diagnosed and we became more involved in her circle of support, we were still reeling from losing Pam to cancer. It felt like too much, too soon, but there we were. Again. And maybe it's just part of growing up, getting older, living life, but I've come to realize in the deepest part of my heart that there will always be another again.

Again doesn't come when you're ready or prepared; it just shows up. No one goes looking for again, but there it is, lurking in the shadows. Again and again and again. It can seem - and be - relentless.

Just last Tuesday, we learned someone we knew had just been diagnosed with cancer. By Thursday, he had passed away. A friend lost his mom to cancer this week. Another friend's cousin is in the last months of his battle with cancer. My aunt died from cancer last summer.

I hate cancer. Not that anyone feels any differently than I do in their abhorrence for this insidious disease. I'm just tired of it showing up again.

And it's not just cancer. It's any one of a myriad of physical or mental illnesses and diseases. It's losing a loved one, a job, a pet, a home. It's an accident, a prodigal child, the end of a relationship.

There will always be an again. It would be easy to stay mired in the anticipation of the next big, bad again. It is tempting to stay in your sweats, eating comfort food and watching mindless television or scanning the Internet. It's certainly a more difficult choice some days to live a life of gratitude and joy, to get dressed and face the world when it seems like again is everywhere you turn, in your life or someone else's.

But I know there are lessons to be learned in the again: to love and be loved; to win some and lose some; to discover the joys and blessings determinedly pushing their way through the cracks of the again; to breathe deep and let go; to allow others the blessing of rallying around you; to discover how weak and strong you can be within a single moment of time.

Sometimes you're in the again; sometimes it's my turn again. But no matter which side I'm on, I am confident there is life and breath and joy on the other side of the again. And each time it rolls around, I'm going try my best to summon the strength and fortitude to find the blessings within. Again.