Still

Confession: I have control issues and I'm a fixer.

That confession will hold not one iota of surprise for anyone who knows me. I like things to go the way I think they should, and when they don't, I want to fix them so they do. If things aren't right in someone's life, I want to fix the problem, or maybe even the person.

Intellectually, I know I am not in control and it is not my job to fix all that is wrong in my world (or yours). I realize there is freedom in surrendering my control, laying down my fix-it tools, and being still.

Late last year, I was sitting in church and my mind was racing over a situation  I wanted to desperately fix (still do). I was flipping through the pages of my Bible and lighted upon Psalm 46:10:

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted upon the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

This was not an unfamiliar verse from the Psalms. I had a name written by this verse, the notation dated 2007. It was name of the person involved in the situation that I was currently fretting over. Nearly nine years ago, I had underlined and noted this verse for this individual. For nine years, I had periodically and temporarily laid down my control and was still. Yet I found myself in the same place again and again. I still find myself there.

Since that Sunday, "Be still" has been rolling around in my heart and my mind over various situations. I try to remind myself to be still when I find myself reverting to my default of controlling and fixing. Some days I am more successful than others. I may always want to control and fix, and being still may always need to be a daily mantra and endeavor.

I didn't make resolutions this year, but have decided to focus on being still. I'm going to make a concerted effort to control my control issues (oh, please see the humor there) by:

• Reminding myself to be still, and wait and watch and pray. Autocorrect myself out of control-and-fix mode.
• Listening longer and well. Chances are I don't know or understand the whole story and can glean insight by listening more. I may never have complete understanding and I need to work to be OK with that.
• Judging less (or at least less quickly). My perceived solutions may not be applicable, wanted, or even remotely viable.
• Encouraging more and acting when appropriate. Being still doesn't mean throwing my hands up and watching situations and people disintegrate. It means waiting, watching, and using the skills and tools I have at the right time and place.

I'm hoping that my focus on being still will spill over into other areas of my life. I hope to read more (even more!) and write more. I hope to spend less time filling in downtime by mindlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed. I hope to continue to spend more time with the people who matter and to cull through my to-do list and commitments and identify the priorities that truly matter.

Here's to a new chapter of being still.

Back to the Blog

Well, it's been an entire year since I've typed words into this little corner of the World Wide Web. I didn't intend to come back on the exact anniversary of when I stopped, but here I am. I started 2015 with the best of intentions but fell far short of the goal, which was unspecified beyond "write more regularly." The longer it went since I wrote, the less inclined I felt to jump back in, although there certainly has been plenty to write about. Writing it out - whether here or somewhere else - would possibly have helped quiet the seemingly incessant cacophony of thoughts and words in my mind. The clamor seems especially resounding during the wee hours of the morning when I wake without a worry, just a lot of mental noise.

I'm here now and I'll keep my intentions unspecified, but my hope is to write more. It may not be anything deep, but it doesn't need to be. To be a better writer I simply need to write. I've had this little book on my desk for months and may draw upon it from time to time. It takes me back to the timed creative writing competitions during the fine arts festivals in elementary school where the proctor would throw out a topic and ready, set, write!

Next up: I'll write about my word for the year, or at least for this season.

Duped

January 3

Recently we found out someone we know allegedly isn't who she purported to be. It appears she falsified a significant part of her identity. It’s early yet and the allegations are being investigated. It could be some time before the ramifications of her choices are clear. We are only tangentially associated with her, so we’ll be basically unscathed, but yesterday we spent time with someone close to her, someone who has been like family.

This individual is experiencing a whole range of emotions. Primarily shock, along with anger, disbelief, questioning, wondering if the relationship built over the better part of two decades has all been a lie.

Looking in from the outside, we are experiencing more questions and amazement than anything. What causes a person to weave an intricate web of deceit, which goes so far and wide and involves so many? If the allegations are true, how did this individual get away with it for so long? While it’s fanciful to create possible back stories, we don’t really what happened and we may never fully understand.

On our basement landing hangs a framed print that lists a dog’s rules for life, as written by a dog. They are both accurate and amusing, especially to dog lovers. And they are cause for human contemplation, wondering if we adopted these rules to our lives, how improved might our lives be. One of the rules is “Never pretend to be someone you’re not.” In light of the current duplicitous situation, that rule came to mind as I watched our golden retriever wag her tail and vie for attention today, immediately after being disciplined for misbehavior. She wasn’t apologizing – she was simply being who she is. The misbehavior is over, in the past, so time to play. She is an excellent example of transparency. She is who she is. If she wants to play, she tells you. If she wants love, she’s sure to let you know.

What if we lived completely transparent, authentic lives? Most of us likely live mostly honest lives, but sometimes it’s easier to say we’re fine when we’re not, take a little more credit than perhaps we should, or not correct someone when they offer us credit that isn't due. As I watch this particular situation unfold, I am challenged to live honestly and react in grace, in both big and little things. 

Engaged

January 2            

Fifteen years ago today, I said, “Yes.” It was the second day of the new century, and it’s my own darn fault I can’t say I’ve been engaged or married for the entire 21^st century. Brian originally intended to propose on New Year’s Day 2000, but I was in a grouchy mood and not very pleasant to be around. We spent the day at his house and unbeknownst to me, the engagement ring was under the sofa the entire time.

Sunday, January 2, was a sunny day and after church, he suggested we drive down to Baltimore for a change of scenery. I had a cold and didn’t feel great, but agreed and off we went. We ended up at Fells Point. I don’t remember what we did initially that afternoon, but we ended up sitting by the water near a water taxi dock. Looking across Inner Harbor, we could see the sign for the Domino sugar factory.

I was sitting on his lap with my back to him. He had his arms around me, then reached into his coat pocket. I thought he was reaching for a tissue (since I was sniffling), but he was reaching in to pull out a delft blue porcelain box in the shape of a heart with the ring inside. I was stunned. I had absolutely no idea that he was going to propose. To this day, he will tell you that I took a sweet forever to say “yes,” so long that he thought I was having second thoughts. I maintain that it took me no longer than two or three seconds to respond. Regardless of whose account is accurate, I did answer affirmatively. And then I cried, as taxi passengers disembarked and watched.

Afterward, we went to dinner at McCormick and Schmick seafood restaurant, which has since become our “special occasion” restaurant. We called my mom and stopped by her house to share the news, then on the way back to Pennsylvania called my dad who said, “Well, he didn’t waste any time!” since Brian had just talked to him on Christmas Eve. I called Pam, who screamed and in her excitement, inadvertently crashed the keys on the piano, making Meghan cry.

The next evening we went to see Brian’s parents. His mother said, “Well, it’s about time.” We then went to see his sister and her husband, who spied the ring as soon as we walked in. When we shared the news with the kids, we got a mixed reaction, which was not surprising – really, who wants the news that their parent is getting remarried and that a new adult is going to play a substantial role in the life of your family? While not a surprise to the kids, it was still a significant change looming in their lives.

I recently took one of those silly BuzzFeed quizzes entitled, “What Kind of Couple Are You?” Our results accurately assessed us as a “Best Friends Couple.” And truly we are. We built a friendship before a romance, and that friendship is the foundation of our relationship and has been a sustaining force through good times and bad.

Fifteen years later, there’s a little less hair and more grey strands. More lines on our faces and life lessons learned. There’s been more joy and more challenges than either of us ever imagined. There’s been plenty of surprises along the way. But that’s how life is, isn’t it? It never exactly the matches the script we write for ourselves.

In the past 15 years, we’ve covered a lot of ground. I know the journey ahead holds more joy and likely more road bumps than I’d like. But what a gift to know I will share it all with the one I said yes to that day near the water taxi – the one I’ve said yes to every day since.

Interrupted

January 1, 2015

The new year has dawned. Rather quietly in our case. We went out to dinner (5:30 early bird reservations), came home and watched a bit of TV, then headed to bed at the regular time. Fireworks went off at midnight – to which Shelby alerted us with barking. This morning, B headed over to help N work on his house renovation while I stayed home and did some cleaning and the year’s first load of laundry. Then we headed up to the cabin for the long weekend.

We were a few miles from home when I realized I hadn’t packed the sauerkraut for the traditional pork and sauerkraut New Year’s Day dinner. The homemade-by-a-colleague sauerkraut that has been in the fridge eagerly awaiting its big day. Back home we went and then we set out again, 15 minutes after we left the first time, which mean an extra 15 minutes of listening to Cooper’s hyper-vigilant, anxious canine whining.

On the way we received a call from Fred, our firewood supplier, asking if we were at the cabin and if so, did we want another load of firewood. We agreed and since we pay him in cash, we stopped at an ATM along the way. (ATMs are few and far between in this neck of the woods.) This stop also served as a pit stop for Shelby girl who had been making her needs known for several miles. With our two loveys, it’s a rare occasion we make this trip without a stop for something!

We resumed our journey and soon came upon a few cars that were stopped. They had been stopped by the local fire police, who were in the process of closing the road. There was an accident and from what we could gather, it was a bad one. We turned around and ended up taking a windy mountain road detour on a road marked “ROAD CLOSED,” which didn’t bolster my comfort level much.

As we drove, I commented on how thankful I am that volunteers serve as fire police, particularly in rural regions where there can be substantial distance between organized or professional fire and police departments. Brian commented, “Perhaps there was a reason you forgot the sauerkraut. And why Fred called and we needed to stop at the ATM.”

We don’t know what happened beyond the road closure, but not much time had passed since the incident occurred. Without one or both of our delays, we could have been in the accident or been first upon the scene.

It was a good reminder that sometimes – or maybe even always – life’s interruptions are serving a larger purpose than simply training me to increase my patience, humility and joy.

And so we started out the year with some minor interruptions that served as good reminders that 1) interruptions generally are minor and we should just roll with them and 2) interruptions can be part of a bigger plan beyond which we can begin to see. I’m not likely to embrace with open arms all the interruptions that come my way in 2015, but hopefully I’ll be able to step back, take a breath and remember the bigger story being written.

Books, Books, Books

This year, I read 55 books. I was hoping to make it 56, but I haven't read in a day or two and I don't think I'm to increase the count as the year winds down in the next 30 hours. We walked to the library on Friday to pick up Anne Lamott's Small Victories, but it's just been following me around the house. Various priorities (and distractions) and trying to get some work done during this holiday week have kept me from what I really would like to be doing - reading.

Since 2009, I've kept a log of the books I've read. Over the past six years, I've read 289 books. Some great, some terrible, most falling somewhere in between. In the category of "I'm sorry I read this," this year's winner is Bittersweet, by Miranda Beverly-Whittemore. A talented writer, but literature devoid (in my opinion) of any moral and ethical content gets a thumbs down from me. I probably shouldn't have given it the repeated chances I did, but I kept holding out hope.

I'm not sure which book would receive the blue ribbon this year. As I look back over my list, there were many that I truly enjoyed. I finally read Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird and wish I had read it years ago when I first learned of it.

My list still weights toward the side of fiction, but I read a fair amount of non-fiction this year. Emily Wierenga's Atlas Girl was breathtakingly honest. A Deadly Wandering  by Matt Richtel was simply riveting and I think of it every time I am tempted to pick up my phone in the car. Lee Strobel's A Case for Christ was eye-opening, challenging, and affirming.

I'm looking forward to what books I'll read in 2015. I've pre-ordered Dee Henderson's latest, Taken, slated for May publication. I was delighted to see that Kristin Hannah has a new novel, The Nightingale, coming in January. I just learned that writer and neuroscientist Lisa Genova has a new book coming in April, Inside the O'Briens, a novel about a family facing Huntington's disease. If you haven't read her, you must pick up Still Alice, a fascinating work of fiction about a woman descending into Alzheimer's disease (movie coming out in January but read the book!). Genova's Left Neglected about the traumatic brain disorder of left neglect and Love Anthony focusing on autism were also great reads.

At the encouragement of my brother, I also hope to read Marilynne Robinson's trilogy, Gilead, Home, and Lila. And then there's always something to find on the yet-to-read shelf of my bookshelf and in the cache of my Kindle.

Here's to a great new year of good reading!

What I Learned in November

Linking up today with Emily at Chatting at the Sky

I haven't done a "What I Learned" post in quite a while, and I'm toying with whether to write seriously and introspectively or offer a more lighthearted take on the month. I suppose I'll settle for a little of each.

Oxtail tastes like roast beef. Glad I was able to sample this exotic-to-me dish at a food and beverage pairing event. It was one of those cases where I just needed to try it and not think about it.

Cutting an onion doesn't have to result in a huge mess.

Christmas tree lights are expensive! We discovered that probably half of our Christmas tree lights aren't working this year. We've gotten a lot of mileage out of those lights and the extreme temperatures of the attic probably contributed to their demise. I invested in new ones and took quite a hit to the budget.

Deicing a plane takes 30-45 minutes. I know I've sat through the deicing process before, but don't remember it taking this long. Perhaps I paid more attention this time because we had to go through it twice for this particular flight (with a roll back to the gate for a medical emergency in between).

Using an app to present your boarding pass is a mixed bag. It's great if it works. It's a little unnerving if it doesn't.

Being part of a team has definite benefits. I am generally a lone wolf. I'm not one for group projects or activities. However, when the chips are down (way down; way, way down), it sure is great to be part of a team who has your back ... and to have theirs.

Words matter. Once we utter words, they are out there. They have torn down or lifted up. They have enhanced relationship or broken it. The lyrics to a childhood song keep running through my head: "Oh, be careful little mouth what you say." Great advice for all ages.

Here's to a new month ahead and all that I'll learn in December!

Attitude of Gratitude - Books

Books, books, books. Love them. I've read 48 so far this year. A month to go in 2014 ... how high will the tally rise? A few books I've really enjoyed lately:

To See the Moon Again by Jamie Langston Turner - Turner is an excellent writer. Her characters are always a little quirky, but they're the best part of her books. This was one of my favorites. I could identify with the quirks (and a bit of snarkiness) of the main character. We waited a long time for this release - hope the wait won't be as long next time.

Grey Mountain by John Grisham - I usually read Grisham's books. They're easy to read, although nothing that makes you think too hard and I usually leave disappointed with the ending. I enjoyed this one, though, as I learned much about the mining industry and its impact on Appalachia. Coal mining is in my heritage, so it was a particularly interesting read for me.

The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel - The friends and I who do a Bible study together chose this book to do for the fall. We're closing in on the end (we'll complete it by Christmas). It's a fascinating look at an investigative journalist's exploration to prove whether or not Christ existed and if He was who He said He was. It's interesting to read from the perspective of a believer; I wonder what it would be like to read from the perspective of an unbeliever.

Atlas Girl by Emily Wierenga - I enjoy memoirs, learning about other people's lives and their life experiences. I actually purchased this book for someone else but decided to read it first. I'm glad I did. Emily writes honestly and captivated me from the first few chapters. Her writing is brave and honest, and I so appreciate her honesty.

As the sweatshirt I used to have said, "So many books; so little time."

Attitude of Gratitude - Grandparents

I grew up knowing one set of grandparents. My maternal grandfather passed away when I was an infant and my maternal grandmother lived a few states away and passed away when I was six. Most of my memories of her come from pictures, I think. I do recall her being with my mother one day when I came out of preschool. I also remember being at her house and walking down to the post office with my older brother to buy candy.

I was privileged, however, to know my paternal grandparents. They lived nearby until they moved a couple of hours away when I was in elementary school. They would come visit and to attend special events. We would see them at the holidays and usually we kids would take time spending a week or long weekend at their house in the summer. We'd meet them halfway at the McDonalds. 

I had the privilege of knowing these grandparents from childhood to adulthood. I was in my 20s when they passed away. I'm so grateful I got to know them as an adult and not just from a child's perspective. Spending time with them and helping them in their last days and years was truly a blessing I will always treasure.

I chuckle to think that now I'm a grandma. Seems like I was just the granddaughter the other day. I hope we can be as much of a blessing to our grandchildren as mine were to me.

Attitude of Gratitude - Comfort Food

Food may be the last thing most of us want to ponder the day after Thanksgiving, but leftover turkey and mashed potatoes can be considered comfort food, right? Macaroni and cheese is another good one. The other night I made rice pudding with rice we had leftover from a family dinner (the rice that multiplied, as I sent a bowlful home with my mother-in-law and used some as a base for Chinese food and STILL had enough for this rice pudding endeavor).

I've never had rice pudding or had any attraction to it. To be honest, it seemed old-fashioned and favored by the older crowd. My mother-in-law has been having it fairly often lately and suggested I try making some with the leftover rice. So I did. Rice, milk, vanilla, cinnamon, sugar. Some patience and a lot of stirring and voila. Easy peasy.

I looked at my bowl and thought it looked like creamy rice. Not a very attractive aesthetic. First bite, I remained fairly unimpressed. Second bite, a bit more intrigued. To avoid a bite-by-bite overview, I'll skip to the end and let you know I finished all I made. There was something simple and addicting about it. I can't tell what it was ... it may have been the sugar, but I didn't make it too sweet. There was just something that made me keep reaching for the spoon instead of putting it away in the fridge.

I don't envision having a hankering for rice pudding again any time soon, but I think I'll tuck it away and add it to my list of comfort foods. But I think mashed potatoes and mac-n-cheese will continue to vie for first place.

Attitude of Gratitude - Thanksgiving Flowers

Lilies and sunflowers may not be typical autumn flowers, but they certainly are lovely and brightening up our home this Thanksgiving.

Attitude of Gratitude - Our Dogs

We have two dogs who bring much joy and laughter and companionship to our home. (They also bring a lot of work and some financial drain, but the pros far outweigh the cons.) One of the best things about having two dogs is watching them interact. They have so many characteristics of a human brother/sister relationship, from the teasing, to the agitating, to the taking of toys, to the sticking up for one another, to the snooping, to letting us know that treats and attention must be dealt out evenly, to the cuddling. Often, just like human siblings, they are in their own corner doing their own thing. But occasionally they'll chill together and just be. And photos like this one just make me smile.

Attitude of Gratitude - Walking About Town

When we moved to this town, one of my few prerequisites was to be able to walk places. We prepped for this move for a couple of years and spent many a Sunday walking and riding our bikes through neighborhoods seeing if we could find something that might be the right fit. Our first choice was to live "in town," but that didn't work out the way we'd hoped. We couldn't find the right property and our search kept bringing us back to this house, which is about two miles out of town.

It still met my ambulatory requirements, though. We don't have sidewalks, but if you time it right and avoid school buses, trash trucks, teenage drivers before and after school, and rush hour drivers, it's safe enough to walk. There's fairly easy access to walking paths and we can walk to the campus of a residential school in just a few minutes and enjoy a change of scenery there.

But what I appreciate about this location is that I can walk to the places I need to walk to, weather and time permitting. Yesterday, it was a lovely day with highs around 70 (compared to multiple inches of snow forecast for tomorrow) and I walked to the dentist, the library and the grocery store. I can also walk to the bank, the coffee shop, the dry cleaners, the family doctor and the eye doctor. Some summer evenings, we walk to a local ice cream shop that's been in business for decades.

It takes a bit of navigating to walk safely to these places, but I'm thankful to be able to do so and not have to always hop in the car to run a simple errand. All of these places are a bit "out of town," so in some ways I think this might be a more convenient location for us than in town. Of course, if we lived in town, it would be a little easier to walk to some of the great restaurants downtown. And then we'd need to walk more often, I have no doubt!

Attitude of Gratitude - Cute Toes

Cute toes seem like such a silly, vain thing to be thankful for, but I'm just being honest. This afternoon I got my toes painted "What's Your Poinsettia?", a very happy red color. And glancing down at my toes now and catching a glimpse of red makes me happy.

My toes are red in anticipation of Thanksgiving exposure via flip flops. However, the best laid plans may go awry and these cute toes may find themselves encased in heavy socks and snow boots instead.

It's a privilege and a perk and total indulgence, really, to get a pedi, especially at the end of November. I'm grateful we have the resources for this little treat and that something as simple as red nails (and smooth feet) can be a happy little pick-me-up.

Attitude of Gratitude - Babies in my House

We had our family Thanksgiving today. It was a nice time together. One of the best parts was loving on the babies in the family. Our great-niece, G, isn't so much a baby. At two-and-a-half she would adamantly revoke the reference. She is the oldest of the littles in our family and it's fun to see her grow mentally and physically. She can give you a run for your money, as two-year-olds are prone to do, but she's a lot of fun.

Next comes our granddaughter H, who we of course love to pieces. She is just a joy to us and we can't get enough of her. We love to snuggle and watch her become more aware of and interactive with everything going on around here. What an utter blessing she is.

And then comes G's younger brother, L. At two months, he's bringing up the rear of this generation. He is long and lean and an avid observer of everyone around him. He just quietly snuggles, waits and watches. More than once, I caught him just intently hanging out with his eyes on someone.

It'll be fun to watch them grow and imagine what they'll be like next Thanksgiving. Such different personalities are already evident and it'll be interesting to see how those personalities push and pull toward and against one another as they grow. They're the leaders of the pack for this next generation and I am so thankful to have babies in my house to hug and love.

Attitude of Gratitude - Pre-Thanksgiving Prep

We were out raking leaves at 7:20 this morning in temps hovering in the low 20s. Raking leaves is good exercise, but at that hour, it was easy to get frustrated with raking leaves that come from the neighbors' trees (we only have one small tree) for the third weekend in a row.

We're celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, which means I've spent most of today cleaning, not another favorite activity. I'm tired and my carpal tunnel is flaring leaving me with tingly fingers and wrists that feel weak.

My automatic default is to get frustrated with all there is to do, but instead I'm focusing on being grateful for healthy bodies that can take care of yard work and housework, the mature trees that are so pretty six months out of the year and having a home to clean. I'm also grateful for an extra-wide table with leaves to increase its length and a festive tablecloth to fit.

So many gifts, so many blessings. Stop complaining, girlfriend, even if it is mental complaining.

I'm also grateful that I just sold a bike on Craigslist for full asking price. That's today's bonus.

Attitude of Gratitude - Everything

... For what do you have that you did not receive?

- I Corinthians 4:7

Blessed by this video today. It's good for a perspective tune-up. What's in your hands?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZlhYZgVMjk

Attitude of Gratitude - Living in PA

I've tried a couple of times to get started writing today and am feeling challenged to get the writing engine revving. But they say the more you practice writing, the better you become. (That's not a set-up for an amazing blog post. Promise.) So, as I type with the sun streaming through the window and having enjoyed a walk with the dogs on a balmy-compared-to-19-degrees-earlier-this-week day, I'm going to express my gratitude that I don't live in Buffalo, NY where they are simply being hammered by snow.

Snow is pretty, say, on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, or over New Year's when ensconced at a mountain cabin for the weekend. I'm sure snow is less pretty when it's three, four, five or six feet high, or when you have to give birth to a child in a fire department because you can't make it to the hospital, or when your French doors cave in due to the pressure of the snow and you have to barricade them with your treadmill, or when you open the front door and all you see is snow. (I have no idea what you do in such a situation. Hopefully there's another way out.)

I cannot imagine. I think it would be interesting to experience such a phenomenon, but it no doubt grows old quickly and is dangerous for many.

When the weather turns wintry, I'm not a fan of living north of the Mason-Dixon line. I hope someday to enjoy an extended break in a warmer climate during the winter. But for today? I'd say I'm pretty content to be living right here in Pennsylvania and not in Buffalo.

Attitude of Gratitude: Health

I was filing some bills today and couldn't, once again, get the file door shut without a bit of extra pushing and annoyance. Two crowded files in the back were overflowing and have been daring me for months to clean them out so the drawer would shut more easily. And so, in my typical this-is-not-on-today's-to-do-list-but-hey-I'm-distracted-by-it manner, I decided then and there to clean out the files.

Those files contained our health information. Most of what was in it was EOBs and receipts for prescriptions. Some of it was valuable, like results of bloodwork, lab tests and physicals, as well as the physical therapy exercises I promptly filed away after completed my regimen at the physical therapist's office and only occasionally think about pulling out and reaping the benefits of doing those exercises again.

As I sorted through the files and shredded most of it, I was thankful (again) for our health. For the most part, we've had only minor health issues and even the ones that didn't seem so minor to us truly are minor in the grand scheme of things. I am grateful for mobile, healthy bodies. I know health can change in a moment - sometimes the decline is chronic and due to the way we do or don't take care of ourselves, and other times something big pops up out of nowhere and seemingly wrecks our world.

I've been trying to make decisions that help us to eat better and we try to stay active and exercise (dogs demanding walks help with that). I was doing a PiYo video the other day and realized this old girl isn't the same girl (except in her mind) who can do everything she used to do, at least not without more effort and more pain. It was a good reminder to keep taking care of our health and maintain what we have so we can keep enjoying life ... especially life as grandparents!

Attitude of Gratitude - Working from Home/Self-Employment

As business majors in college, a friend and I used to joke about how we would conquer the business world, jet around the country to business meetings and employ nannies to help with the children. I think even then we knew neither one of us really had the aspiration or stamina for that kind of life. But when you're in college, you can dream those kind of crazy dreams.

After college, I went to work for a non-profit (great start to conquering the business world, right?) I worked my way up the short ladder, was running the marketing and development departments and then one day my job was yanked out from under me. I'd been unhappy there for some time so while the method of terminating my time there was unexpected, I instinctively knew right away that it was a blessing.

After gathering myself together, I started freelancing while periodically submitting job applications if anything interesting crossed my path. My attempts at applications were halfhearted; I was afraid to return to a workplace as unhealthy as the one I'd left. And so I kept freelancing and here I am, 17 years later, still working for myself, generally by myself, from home.
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Some people can't imagine working from home, saying they'd miss the social stimulation of the workplace. It's a similar argument to the one that purports home-schooled children aren't socialized enough. (I have no skin in that game, so no commentary on homeschooling. And as an aside, why is "home-schooled" hyphenated and "homeschooling" is not, Mr. SpellCheck?) In the early days, I missed the camaraderie of the office setting, but then I got married and the house was humming with three children before and after school, and while parenting is not the same thing as workplace interaction (although there certainly ARE similarities ... supervision responsibilities and challenging attitudes, anyone?), combined with lunches out, volunteer work and conversations with clients, I achieved plenty of social stimulation. As time and technology moved forward and birdies flew the nest, I had less and less face-to-face interaction during the day. And to be honest, I don't mind being by myself all.day.long. I'm a homebody and it's easy for me to stay home with my pups most days and not seek a lot of social activity.

But semi-solitude isn't the only reason I'm thankful to work from home. I love the flexible schedule that allows me time to volunteer and keep our household running. I have appreciated being able to help with occasional childcare (have computer, will travel) for others, Taking a friend to doctors' appointments or sitting by their bedside or helping to clean a house. All of this would be so much more challenging if I didn't work from home or really, to be more specific, if I wasn't self-employed. (Perhaps I should amend the title of this post.) I'm glad I have the work environment that I do. No supervising employees, no endless meetings (I can pick and choose and most of my "meetings" happen via email these days), no hassles from management, no exhaustion from inefficiencies or crises, and you can't beat my commute.

Long gone is the girl dreaming of a company jet, corner office and nanny. I'm glad there are those girls. I'm also glad I'm not one of them.